D and P like to watch a  televsion show called “Dirty Jobs” where host Mike Rowe tries his hand at all sorts of jobs that are less than glamourous.  Yesterday, I had my own version of dirty jobs.  The downstairs toilet has taken to backing up regularly and recently overflowed.  Of course, that lovely event happened while I was out getting the car repaired.  Anyways, it was obvious that something more than the plungering I had been doing to remedy the problem was needed.  I went to Home Depot on the weekend hoping against hope to find “Liquid Plumber – Toilet Edition”.  Wouldn’t that be great?  Just pour half a bottle of the stuff in the toilet, let it sit for 15 minutes, flush and the problem is solved.  No such luck.  There isn’t a product like that that I’m aware of.  Instead the helpful man at Home Depot took me to a place in the store where I’ve never browsed before and introduced me to a lovely tool called a toilet auger.  He then very helpfully went on to explain to me how to “snake a toilet”.

Yesterday, D decided that he wanted to try snaking the toilet.  I was very happy about that.  D is a pretty handy kid and if he could successfully solve the toilet problem without my assistance I would have happily blogged about how great he is.  He got off to a good start and then started to panic when a lot of dark brown, smelly stuff started to rise in the toilet bowl.  That’s when I got called in.  Being more than a little bit ignorant in the mechanisms of toilets, I saw all that brown stinky goop and thought that surely D had successfully “snaked up” what had been blocking it from flushing properly.  That’s when I made a big mistake and the job turned dirty.  I flushed the toilet.  The brown smelly stuff didn’t go down like I hoped it would.  It rose higher and overflowed the bowl.  It was at that precise moment that my amazing sons vanished into thin air.  They weren’t about to audition for Mike Rowe’s job.  That was left for me.

Just then, I…

(a) wished that Mike Rowe would show up and say, “T’ain’t nothin’ maam.  All in a day’s work.”

(b) was very thankful that I still had a pair of rubber gloves kicking around.

(c) was totally willing to sacrifice a towel.

(d) was wondering if any amount of lemon-scented cleaner would be powerful enough to mask the horrible odour that now filled the entrance to my home.

(e) was glad that the seldom used fan in that bathroom was actually operational.

(f) all of the above.

If you picked (f) you’re right on.  This was a dirty job.  The not so happy ending to this story is that there is still a problem with the toilet so I may have to venture along this road again.  Maybe I need to film this worst case scenario, invent that pour in liquid toilet declogger, go on to have my face on a jug in the Home Depot plumbing aisles, become famous, make lots of money and live happily ever after with a toilet that flushes.  That would be a nice ending to a dirty job.